Afraid

For all this time, I realise that I am being afraid.

Afraid because I have no idea what's in front of me, where am I going and afraid of myself for the fact that I don't have answers to those questions. I find it scary that the character Takemoto in the anime of Honey and Clover so closely reflected my current condition. He being lost and unsure of what lies ahead, except that he is good with hand crafts and I on the other hand, still struggling to find out what am I capable to do.

Maybe that's why I long for a trip, constantly.

Because I want to find those answers,
or do I?

Seeing the day flew by, so quickly. Is it all because that I am idle on the very same spot, that's why the time seems so merciless?

I am always running away, for a frail attempt to slow things down or am I too afraid to face it?

What am I going to do now, I have to ask myself despite how painful it might be.

Moving Forward

I would like to think that I am moving forward.

Sometimes when I walk aimlessly, I can't help but thinking why am I moving in circles when I can go places? Where am I heading to? Where am I going to? As the time flows by, what am I doing now? What should I do now?

If this is life, what is this that I am feeling now?

That Friday morning, I was late for class. Barely awake by 8.30am, reached school at 9.15am, both hungry since there weren't enough time for breakfast and cold as I conveniently left my jacket at home. Luckily it was Ms. Intan, I am sure she understands, I am trying to convince myself. But heck, I have been doing that all the time, hopefully this wasn't the last one that I could pull off. I was the last one to enter the class. It wouldn't be hard to notice, when you have only 5 students in the advertising specialisation class. I took my place, next to Edwin who was suppose to be later than me in order to deem my lateness void, almost missing it by a split second. The Mac computer seemed happy as I turned it on. Maybe it was just me.

Friday is one of my favourite day, it's design day. This is the day when we could sit there, do absolutely nothing, or do almost everything for the next four hours (3, actually considering the fact that I am always late). Most importantly, you are doing something you like and adore so much. The day can only be more interesting that we always think it should be. I like the subtle progression of the day, when we could just hog on the computer, on design research, graphic design and typography, attempting to make this world a better (more beautiful place).

But, honestly, where am I heading to?

When I was showing Ms. Intan about my work on the self logo design assignment, she was asking me the very same question. "This isn't you." she said, despite the fact that she only seen me for 2 weeks of classes only which amount to less than 8 hours of total class hours. "It's like you are not showing something." she added.

I have to agree. But the problem is, I myself have no idea where am I heading to. What am I trying to achieve or even where am I intended to go. I guess I am just lost in the fabric of space and time, like a droplet in the flowing river, merely existing in the flow.

Lost.

I yearn for the passion, I yearn for direction.

I am pretty good with maps, I might not have a good memory on those road names or how they look like, but I could navigate to destinations eventually. The keyword here being eventually. However, it somehow frustrate me when I am constantly in the everlasting loop. Waking up, eating, studying, doing assignment, eating, sleeping, and the sequence is then placed on repeat. I think I want to break free, trying to find a purpose in life is harder than I thought. And there I was, trying to teach people how to be happy, assuming that being the purpose in life. They might be surprised if I tell them that I am hating myself right now. Maybe that's why the logo contradicted me.

Where am I heading to, actually?
I would like to know and I certainly hope that I am moving forward.

Midnight Rain

It started raining all of the sudden.

I just have to get up from my seat and sit by the window. Listening to the sound of raindrops pattering on the roof, watching the raindrops slowly moving down the glass panels. I took in a deep breath after sliding the window slightly to the left, attempting to not allow too much of the rain wetting the side of the bed.

I looked back inside. The clock in the faded beige wall of line told me that: It's midnight. It felt so good, laying on the bed on a rainy night. The occasional and subtle thunder completed the nature orchestra. It was smooth and soothing at the same time. It felt distant, and I felt safe in my own little sanctuary.

And I just have to drift into deep thoughts.

Things felt as if it had slowed down, moving in slow motion. Taking its own sweet time, not adhering to the busy state of my mind. I have to let go, just for a little while. Forgetting my problems, pretty sure that it would be less painful to deal with eventually.

And by the time I realise, I'm already gone. Leaving the midnight rain, embracing tomorrow's sunshine. Drifting into my dream, shutting reality off for at least the next seven hours.

Oh, I tell that myself all the time. Not sure how effective though.

我不会

是家庭教育出来的。

性格，是父母的行为投射在孩子的个性上。

我不会爱，因为我在成长的路上确确实实没有看见识过。 我很理智，因为家庭教育下惩罚了我的感性。

在社会的感染下，是否有学会的那一天?

About Dancing

Is there a passion within me? That wants to move in the rhythm of the music. Sway in the beats in between the lines of lyrics.

To dance.

Watching step up revolution was reassuring. Something deep down in me. Something I want to do all the time.

I'm questioning my determination, whether is it three seconds or three years or that moment which lasts forever.

I'm trapped within myself.

For too long.

Am I going to do it? Am I willing to risk it all?

Busker Busker – 소나기 (주르르루) (Showers)

주르르루 주르르루 빗소리에
현관으로 나갔는데 우산이 없어
아니 벌써 어두컴컴 축축한 하늘이
이러다가 오늘 하루 창문만 보다

아마 끝나게 비야 그쳐라 그쳐 난 또 우울해져
제발 그쳐줘 시원한 소나기처럼
잠깐 스치는 인연 그 순간의 끈
난 놓칠 수가 없어 그녀의 하루가 끝나기 전에
제발 그쳐줘 예

주르르루 주르르루 곧 있으면
그치겠지 하다가 새벽이 오면
어떡하지 난 뭘 하는 건지 정신 차리자
편의점에 우산은 너무 비싸서

그냥 맞고 간 비야 그쳐라 그쳐 난 또 우울해져
제발 그쳐줘 시원한 소나기처럼
잠깐 스치는 인연 그 순간의 끈
난 놓칠 수가 없어 그녀의 하루가 끝나기 전에

오 알 수 없는 나의 맘
이제는 흘러드는 비로
이 맘을 알겠네 저기
다시 차오르는 너

아마 끝나게 비야 그쳐라 그쳐 난 또 우울해져
제발 그쳐줘 시원한 소나기처럼
잠깐 스치는 인연 그 순간의 끈
난 놓칠 수가 없어 그녀의 하루가 끝나기 전에
비야 그쳐라 그쳐 난 또 우울해져
제발 그쳐줘 시원한 소나기처럼
잠깐 스치는 인연 그 순간의 끈
난 놓칠 수가 없어 그녀의 하루가 끝나기 전에
제발 그쳐줘 예

Sunrise

 I yearn for something to look forward to. 

And so, it has come to this

*facepalm*

Honestly, I think I am overwhelmed with the things around me.

All at once.

Nosebleed

Nosebleed?!

I tend to nosebleed a lot.

It's probably the weather, or me.

Being very heaty.

Feverish

No mood for anything at the moment. 

I had always been a detector for any transmittable diseases at home, guess what? I am on the verge of getting fever and cough.

It just have to be today.

I have 2 assignments due tomorrow. *facepalm*

Definition of Life

It's the experience that counts.

I adore experiences in life, to me at least. It is like you have yet to live life, if you refuse to embrace the diversity and of course the complexity of life (despite it being really simple essentially). It's overwhelming, all happening so fast. In 2 weeks time, I had experienced more than I ever did experience before in my life.

Love Street at Macao

Big Buddha Statue

Church at Macao's Peak

The decision to go Hong Kong and Macao alone was impulsive and planned, no matter how paradoxical it may sound. I never regretted that decision made in the office that February afternoon. I took my bag, I took my camera and I took my passport and just went to a foreign land with no expectation. I had seen Hong Kong in and out, on foot. Attempted to walk to the airport on a highway nearly cause me big trouble when the police stopped me and (thank goodness) sent me to the nearest train station. Walked on the other side of the city, walked to the quiet side of the city.

I realised.

There's no point rushing over life. There's no point running around in circle. I need to see the world. I need to embrace life at its finest. I took a midnight flight back to Malaysia with a bottle of Absolut 100, and I went to Isaiah's place with Edwin. The next week was crazier than I ever thought it will be.

And now I am here, writing this.

Leaving no regrets behind.

I want a Mac

Laptop Webcam's Picture Quality

I want a Mac.

So badly, this Dell laptop of mine likes to burn my finger at 80 degree Celsius. Besides, I could adapt to Mac first before plunging into the advertising industry.

Completion of Internship and then...

I looked at the clock.

I was glad that I do not have to set alarm anymore, the hectic days had finished. Internship was rather annoying, not because of the job, but rather the traffic jam that I had to face every single day. Now, I could just lay in my bed and not to worry about potential accidents and endless traffic jam nightmares. I certainly wonder what am I suppose to do next time as I have such resistance toward the idea of travelling to work next time.

Despite I am glad that I am going back to school, yet the idea of the group assignments are rather disturbing. Have to come out with a plan and make it through year 1 in one piece.

On the side note, I met up with Hui Wen today and we talked about financial planning. So, this is what I am going to do.

Prerequisite: Review Insurances Policy
1. Prepare 6 months worth of income as emergency fund.
2. Get a ten-year saving scheme with a minimum 5% ROI.
3. Purchase a portfolio of Mutual Funds, comprising of 20% moderate risk and 30% aggressive risk.
4. Prepare a stock portfolio of high dividend stocks to about 30% of the portfolio.
5. The rest on real estate investments as soon as the bubble burst.

Will revise on the plan as the time goes, for now let's hope this is simple and friendly enough for young amateur like me.

Determination

I hate restrictions.

Especially when it comes to choices and directions. I know for sure what I want, yet constantly financially challenged over the decision over and over again. I enjoy experience, the idea of going through different things in life, meeting new people down the road and learning new stuff in the process. However, experience comes with a price. Honestly, I never succeed in saving money and it's all because of this.

Yet, it will still happen and the only question that I would ask myself is that how I could I afford this. Somehow financial planning seems like a necessity. I would have to come out with a plan before iI graduate and make sure I could retire by 35 by ensuring 15% ROI per year, not sure how exactly for the time being, but I believe it could be done with careful planning.

Noted.

It's the end of the month

I look at the calender.

I look at myself and I wondered, have I achieved the things that I said I would through my resolutions, internship and minor projects that lead me to my goals? I could not have stressed it more, time flies. They do and when they do, you barely notice it. It's the end of the month already, I suppose I had been secured in a similar structure or pattern of lifestyle during the internship, decreasing the sensitivity towards time and increasing the agitation toward the traffic condition of Malaysia. I could do so much more, rather than sitting in the car for an hour to reach home. 

Am I learning anything? Perhaps, and I certainly hope so. I do conquer the fear I have with phone calls to strangers, although am still not liking it a single bit. I do realise that I got the tendency to use "actually" a lot when I am nervous. I do understand that working can only be meaningful once a purpose is establish. I do know what I want now, crystal clear. This does give me a proof on my choice on advertising, but will I do well in the following semesters? I have to make sure it will happen.

Looking at my results, to be honest, I am disappointed. It's not like it wasn't expected since my lecturer commented that he does not understand my English. The very first time, when you know what your lecturer is teaching, but no matter what you do, he just doesn't seem to like your answer; I can only sigh. 

Not quite sure whether I learnt anything so far, but it's all about perception anyway. 

It's the end of the month already and school will resume next month, and honestly? I am pretty excited. Not that I look forward to the group assignments, or uncertainties in the faculty, but I just want to make the best out of it, and make sure I could graduate with the minimum cost incurred. 

It's back to office tomorrow, damn. 

Weekend

I understood the longing for the weekend recently, especially when you are trapped in the traffic jam for 5 days in the row.

The feeling is so great, to be able to wake up without the need of alarm clock and to be able to travel without the excessive number of cars on the road.

It is just that, the weekend feels awfully short in comparison.

What Would My 3D World be with LG Optimus 3D?

I am not quite sure what to expect, seriously.

It seems like LG had recently launched the LG Optimus 3D being one of the first 3D phones in the market which definitely revolutionized the entire mobile experience. Given the look at it, LG does not appear to be idle watching at the whole war between Samsung, iPhone, HTC and Blackberry. When they launch a phone, it better be good. Honestly I was pretty disappointed with the previous LG Ice Cream phone that I used during my 1 year student exchange program over there at Korea itself. The interface was difficult to navigate, the keys were hard to press and the screen is bloody small.

Well, of course, it had been 2 years since then. LG had nothing in their range of products which could impress me, other than the fridge which they do all so well.

And now, this?! A phone without the need of the 3D glasses? I am not quite sure whether I seen a TV without the need of the glasses yet. Seriously, I am diggin' this phone if the battery could actually last longer than this HTC Desire that I am using it right now. It's like bringing your laptop in your pocket now, isn't it? The problem is that, you have to bring along with your chargers to stay connected with the world.

But screw this, imagine Temple Run running on this phone.

Oh wait, [insert desperate face here].

Just Go

Life had been good, it had been really good and it should stay that way.
Things got complicated when people are being blinded by society’s perception of how you should live and they began to act like a self centered and egoistic bastards. One idiot triggers the rest around him to become just like him, because it is just not advantageous enough to be kind and good anymore. It escalated like a snow ball and the world stopped at its feet as the people living inside stop being themselves. Living zombies, trying to survive, were thinking that they are actually alive.

Being alive is more than that, it’s about being yourself and experiencing life at its best. One needs to remove himself from the cycle, stop taking advices from the social conventions and truly live to experience another place, people and things around you. Don’t think so much, escape from the seat of death and give yourself a change to see, feel and experience. Life is so much more than that, please do not ever restrict yourself at the very same spot, telling yourself that it is impossible or worst still, you cannot do it. Go travel, just pack your bag and go. Let yourself breathe and take a random chance, who knows what awaits you and you might discover something that you never thought you will. Do something that scares you, it's okay to be afraid. But trust me, it feels SO good when you conquered it all.

Give yourself a chance and just go.

Stop giving yourself excuses and try to rationalize a reason to go. Remove from the cycle, remove from the familiar places around you, remove from people that you love, just for a little while. No problem, there are WiFi everywhere anyways. Take lots of pictures, take a random leap, take an exciting trip.

Just go.

Internship

It seems like I'm stuck in a constant position, fully exploited with minimum wages. The desire to run away is so great that I doubted myself again. Had been through this, why can't I just go all out? It's just a telephone. True, I might not be learning anything at all for the time being, but I believe human relationship might be a different investment all together. Well, it seems like what I say is not important and required. Am I going to shut up and just let it go? Will I learn at the end of the day? I am not quite sure, but what I know is that I will not let myself give up just like that. It will all work out fine, it will. I believe it will because it is all about perceptions anyway. I don't have to be unhappy and I don't have to make myself miserable. I don't have to.

Serenity

It's so quiet.

The holiday feels like a reason to rest for everyone in the city, I suppose most of them went back to their respective hometown and some of them might even take this opportunity and went on a trip elsewhere. Looking at the speed of the leftover cars on the road, I figuratively can feel how lazy the drivers were, of course due to the festive seasons.

But, isn't the festive seasons suppose to fill with celebrations and joy, where people are excited and anticipating the celebrations? It is so awkwardly quiet here in Subang Jaya.

I put on my mp3 player and submerge myself in the music.

To feel alive.

CNY Holidays

It's almost here, the long awaited Chinese New Year holidays.

Fortunately for me, the holiday is exceptionally long. Today will be the official commencement on the holiday for a good ol' 7 days. Will be experimenting lomography during this festive season, hopefully can try something completely different time time around.

And of course, not to get fat but get lots of ang pau during the Chinese New Year.

a cup of teh tarik

The cup slammed on the table, spilling over some teh tarik on the square aluminium table at the corner of the mamak stall, instantly killed the conversation between the party of three. The night had obviously heated up especially it is 1am in the morning. He is furious, over a remark based on the oversimplification of assumptions made by the society. He felt judged not only by the other party, but simultaneously placed under the the pressure of the social conventions forcefully. And we all know how assumptions led us into an generalisation of things around us, allowing us to think less and process less information. But this is usually the answer to all the hate and anger all over the places. He wanted to allow his emotions to take over but took a deep breath in time and held back for a moment.

He stood up and attempted to leave this ugly place, leave this shallow conversation and most importantly leave this ignorant and irresponsible person. His other friend on his left pressed him down to his original seat, trying to calm him down regardless the consequences. He shrugged both of his friend's hand off his shoulders and only to realise that almost a quarter of his teh tarik was all over the table, threatening to flow down the edge of the table anytime. His friend quickly took three, four pieces of the tissue paper of the tissue box on the next table behind him and stopped the stream of teh tarik flowing towards both of them. He pushed his chair backward by a couple of inches, crossed his arms in front of him and laid back on the metal chair, signalling an obvious "I disagree with whatever you said" body language to the rest of the audiences. 

He still cannot believe for a second that his once "friend" actually said that. 

He looked over to the quiet street, avoiding glances from everyone in the same table and shook his head in disbelief for a moment there. The moon was very bright and the night sky was clear, a perfect time for a gathering of friends a la the Malaysians style. Yet, there were only 8 cars at the parking spaces which explained the small crowd in the mamak stall despite located right beside the city center. He took another deep breath in and shifted his seating position, crossing his right leg over his left. He decided to give the silent treatment for the rest of the night until they all decided that this conversation will not go anywhere and head home respectively. Or rather until, the other party apologies, whichever comes first. 

"That's rather harsh, don't you think?" his friend spoke up while taking a sip of his cup of teh tarik. "But it's the fact!" The opposition finally spoke for the first time after all the drama originated from his remark. He swing both his arm open while giving a puzzled look on his eyebrows and took big gulp of his cup of teh tarik, taken back over the direct confrontation from both of his friends, trying to mask his nervousness while leaving his drink barely over half left in the cup. This clearly was not going to end there and then, the other party did not expect any of this to happen.

He sighed. His could not stand it anymore and broke his vow to remain silent the rest of the night. He swiftly pulled his chair towards the table and glared at the other party intensely. "Not on this sort of subjective matters, no." He pointed at the other party's nose with his right index finger when he said that. "Just because you believe so, doesn't mean the rest of the world have to believe the same damn thing!" he raised his tone and slammed the table the second time with his right palm on the corner of the table. He almost screamed but managed to control his raging emotions.

He was mad at himself for not being able to control his emotions with the fist he was clenching so hard but he was still even angrier for the narrow viewpoint from the other party demonstrated through the statement just now. He took a quick sip of teh tarik and placed the cup nearer to the center of the table as a precaution to avoid any potential spilling hazards due to the unstable emotional state of his. His friend who is still sitting right next to him quickly gave him a pat on his shoulder, even though he knew it for a fact that it might not work at all to calm his friend down given that the personality of his friend being short tempered but never, ever, unreasonable. It is true that even if the majority in the society perceive life and the connotations behind everything else around them does not prove or justify it as the ultimate truth. Assuming the rest of the world works in such a simplistic manner is just being ignorant and irresponsible or even naive to begin with. On this very table, the concept of majority simply just do not work. 

"That's like saying all birds can fly, no?" His friend quickly added before the conversation will end up in an argument and will result in damaged friendships not to mention it will not solve any problems at hand. He leaned forward and added "Yeah, try convincing gay people that they are actually straight because they are confused at that moment in life." sarcastically and rolled his eyes. He and his friend by his side both held their teh tarik up at the same time and drank a mouthful down his throat. 

"This is absurdity, these are completely different cases!" it seems like the other party could not hold it any longer too. Something is definitely in line and his friend can smell the pungent gunpowder in the conversation now. When both parties are submerged in emotions like anger, no one wins in the end. It is not like his friends had never seen this before and he is always the one trying to fix this. It is almost habitual and he will never understand how these two people with such distinct differences in the perception of life could be friends for the past 10 years. It just does not make sense at all, but it is right in front of his eyes and it is going to happen all over again. By then, both of them had already stood up and yes, it is going to happen all over again.

"Stop it, you two!" His friend stood up immediately and took over like a referee. For the effort of continuous diplomatic relationship between the conflicting parties for the past decade, his friend could one day possibly be nominated for the Nobel Peace Award. "He got a point, now sit." his friend pointed at the chair and he quietly followed the instruction. "But that does not mean that you are right. You, sit down," his friend pointed at the other chair, instructing the other party to do the same. "I don't believe this, seriously. How many times had we been through these and you guys are still arguing over the same thing over and over again? Don't you guys feel sick and tired over these?" His friend buried his face in his left palm and shook his head in disappointment. "Can't you guys tolerate and come into a compromise? You know arguing won't take us anywhere and this is not the first time for all of us," his friend added and glared at both of them. He took his cup from the table and drank. "But you know about compromise: they never solve a problem, they merely an approach to temporarily dissolve conflicts at hand!" he said and continued to sip on his teh tarik. 

"It's not like we would ever come into a conclusion or be able to justify which of the alternatives are valid." his friend added while looking over to the other party, attempting to obtain agreement. The other party said nothing and nodded because he knew the consequences of the statement he made all along, yet he let his ego take over the conversation, thus leading to this pointless and heated conversation. He knew for a fact that perceptions differ among people but he believes strongly to the appeal of the populations. He still insist on the greatest number of acceptance being the greatest possibility of fact since if it wasn't true, acceptable or believable, no one will adopt the same perceptions or vantage points. In fact, the trigger of the chain of events is so insignificant right now and it is all fueled by the egoistic mindset of human being, escalated by the narrow observations and ignorant assumptions made by oneself. Ego blinded the people and everyone is trying to be the right one - to be the one in power. The other party wants to be in the right and he insisted that he himself is right backed up by the power of the majority. But it is true that it does not have to be a staple for everyone else in the world as it is a matter of choices and being responsible with the choices you had made or about to make.

He leaned back to the back of his chair. He knew that there is no potential methods or evidences to justify the premises in order provide a valid conclusion to please both parties. It is almost like proving the existence of god to resolve the argument between the Christians and the scientists. He knew that this is just a futile attempt, trying to go against subjective opinions like these. But he just could not tolerate people like his "friend" acting all so arrogant and denying all other possibilities. He realised that he essentially argued because of the personality of the other party, not due to the arbitrary topic itself. By the end of the day, the clock stroke three and he extended his hand to the other party. All of them lifted their cups and downed the rest of the content. They had apologized to each other and left the mamak stall with arms over the other two friends' shoulders.

And the three empty cups are left on the table at the corner of the mamak stall. 

Internship Application

April sent in my resume to a company this morning.

I woke up and saw it immediately as the email was cc-ed to me too. Around 11am in the morning, when I was still all groggy since I just woke up, an unknown caller calling me on my phone. Puzzled, I picked up the phone and a lady was speaking her company's name and her position, then told me that she saw my resume and was wondering whether I can attend the interview today.

Honestly, I am not sure what's going on.

I sent April a copy of my resume so that she could use her power of networking and get me a potential internship position. April had been really efficient, a bit too efficient that I basically have no clue or whatsoever on the companies that she had sent to. When the lady over the phone was talking, there was this large grey cloud over my head. Wasn't even sure how to react with the questions for a moment there.

I proceed to ask for the office location and her name. The rest? Ask April lah. Apparently, this Success Resources deals with seminars that are of my interest and I just went for the interview on 2.30pm. Thankfully for John, the marketing manager for not being harsh on me and took me in despite the short period of internship. Or maybe it's because of the low salary exception that I wrote. This is also the very first interview that someone asked me: "Do you read books? What's the last book you read?" Luckily I was reading Payback Time in mandarin. HAHAHA!

It's the experiences that count, no? That's why it is called an internship. I tried to not assume anything and learn whatever that I could in the meantime. I am glad enough, really. And I start on Monday.

Thanks, April.

오늘밤은 어둠이 무서워요 (I am afraid of the dark tonight) - 10cm

오늘밤은 혼자 있기가 무서워요
(Being alone tonight is scary.)
창문을 여니 바람소리가 드세요
(Please open the window and listen to the sound of the wind.)
사람들은 나를 보살펴 주지 않어
(Others do not want to care about me.)
잠들 때까지 날 떠나지 말아줘요
(Till I fell asleep, please don't leave me.)

꾸물거리는 저기 벌레를 잡아줘요
(Please catch the bugs that are messing with me.)
잡은 휴지는 꼭꼭구겨 창문 밖에 던져 버려줘
(Crumple the tissue paper that you caught it with and throw it outside the window.)
오늘의 나는 절대 결코 강하지 않어
(Today I’m just not strong at all.)
그냥 오늘밤만 네게 안겨서
(Just tonight, please hug me.)
불러주는 자장노래 들을래
(and sing me a lullaby and put me to sleep.)

오늘밤은 혼자 잠들기 무서워요
(Sleeping alone tonight is scary.)
저기 작은 방에 무언가 있는 거 같어
(It seems like there's something in my small room.)
잠깐만요 나 원래 이런 사람 아냐
(Wait a minute, I'm originally not a person like this.)
잠들 때까지 집에 가지 말아줘요
(Till I fell asleep, please don't go home.)

혹시 모르니 저기 대문을 잠가줘요
(I'm not sure, but could you lock the front gate?)
들어 올 때는 불을 끄고 방문을 반쯤 열어줘
(When you head back, please turn off the light and leave the room door slightly open.)
오늘의 나는 절대 결코 강하지 않어
(Today I’m just not strong at all.)
그냥 오늘밤만 네게 안길래
(Just tonight, please hug me.)

혹시나 내가 못된 생각 널 갖기 위해 시꺼먼 마음
(If for whatever reason, there is this evil thoughts or a blackened heart in order to have you,)
의심이 된다면 저 의자에 나를 묶어도 좋아
(you suspected, it's okay to tie me to that chair.)
창밖을 봐요 비가 와요
(Look outside the window, the rain is falling.)
지금 집에 가긴 틀렸어요
(It might be a bad idea to go home now.)
버스도 끊기고 여기까진 택시도 안와요
(The bus had stopped and the taxi don't come here often.)

오늘밤은 혼자 있기가 무서워요
(Being alone tonight is scary.)
잠들 때까지 머릿결을 만져줘요
(Till I fell asleep, please keep stroking my hair.)
믿어줘요 나 원래 이런 사람 아냐
(Please believe me, that I am not originally a person like this.)
그냥 오늘밤만 네게 안겨서
(Just tonight, please hug me.)
불러주는 자장 노래 들을래
(And sing to me a lullaby and put me to sleep.)
제발 오늘밤만 가지 말아요
(Please, for tonight, don't go.)

Note: Love the rhythm of this song, and the simple lyrics which conveyed the emotions really clearly. Allowing guys to show a soft side of themselves, putting down ego and perceptions from the society and allow themselves to be loved, even if it's for a night only. I think I translated correctly, might have some lost of meaning here and there but essentially this is what the song wanted to convey. =)

Result?

When will our result be released?

Sepang Gold Coast

It's been awhile, a spontaneous trip like this, away from the city life and hid under a chalet which was (and I believe still is) infested by mosquitoes. We went to Sepang Gold Coast, we as in Esther, Sharon, Calvin and myself to a beach where the sea is not correctly colored and I shall not complain further.

The getting together part was really good, except the RM120 spent on the entire trip which include alcohol. And of course, what do we do there even when we are told not do? Enjoy hard drinks (minuman keras). Still not liking for a bit, cannot comprehend the concept drinking awfully tasted drink to achieve temporary state of reduced inhibitions but I worked around it. Confession and awkward daring games while quite amazed by the fact that we only played one round of citadel, the night eventually turned sentimental and quiet.

True, nothing will last forever.

But at least I'm making the best out of everything, no? I don't ask for much, please do remember me and give a nod when we walk past each other on the opposite side of the road. Who are we do judge what will happen in the future, what I can only do is to make sure I appreciate every single moment of togetherness.

I think it comes with age, the whole enlightenment of life. Despite how much I am trying to avoid being called "old for my age" but I couldn't help it. Besides, it's rational and logical once you placed them into their respective positions. I will never assume that I know anything or that I am right in all situations. I shall place ego aside and acknowledge the rest of the populations, however shallow or bias the opinion would be. Of course, I don't have to agree nonetheless.

It'a a phase, I suppose. Just like the sunset that we witness over the deck (regardless how much mosquitoes that are at the same place which I resorted to eating at the weirdest position ever), things have to come and go.  Maybe that's the whole reason for people to perceive it as beautiful and important, because they all do not last.

I will definitely miss this moment.

The very same time next year, it might be just two of us left out of the original four. Quietly fighting for a position to be recognized and appreciated. Trying to live life at the fullest while keeping the capitalists happy. Hopefully, Calvin and Esther will do well in their masters degree program, I am pretty sure. Who knows that if things work out well, probably we could have a better trip all the way to Japan and UK. Given the current financial situation, it's still nice to think about the possibilities of these opportunities.

Tsk, life.

UK Summer Program - Lancaster

We have an opportunity to participate in a summer program all the way at Lancaster, UK early next year. It's like doing electives at UK and I'm really diggin' the idea. 3 months in UK? I guess I could finish London and some other cities like Mancaster or even Glasgow to find my childhood friend. I'm excited, very excited.

But there's this one problem, money. That had been a problem ever since I want to do anything, and frankly, I can't really do anything about it. If I really want this to happen, I would have to do something about it, i.e. save money, a lot of money and work whenever I can. By doing this I would be jeopardizing my new year resolutions but I will not tolerate too much compromise on both the life time objective and resolutions for this year.

I will proceed to accomplish all the resolutions that involve physical and mental development. However, things that would require significant financial support might have to wait for next year. I will do my handstand, I will workout as much as possible and I will hike that bloody hill. Diving license and travel to the foreign country thing might have to wait. Not that I don't want to do it, I have to delay it for the greater benefits.

I am absolutely thrilled with the opportunity to go to UK.

And I am not letting it go. Heard it from a friend that RM10k would be more than enough to backpack at UK. I guess I have to at least have RM7.5k at the end of the year to ensure a slight possibilities on this plan.

I'm going to UK and I am readjusting my new year resolutions:

1. to be able to do a handstand - on both hands, without assistance of wall
2. weight training to obtain more muscle mass - to be able to wear tank top with nice muscle definition on arms and shoulders and chest AND lose fat for six pack abs - along side with tkd bootcamp training
3. 120kg deadlift, 100kg squat and 75kg bench press.
4. 6 arts project - at least 2 major projects
5. climb a mountain / hills including broga or tahan AND white water rafting - self explanatory
6. take Korean language test - attempt level 4
7. Read one book every month
8. Blog every week.
9. save money - RM10,000 via teaching, freelance event / creative jobs and part time jobs.
10.Self-learn Guitar
11. Maintain 75 average for degree.
12. Learning something new this year - something that I am unaware of or inexperience on.

2012 - The Beginning of the Resolutions

Was working on an event during the countdown event at Red Carpet Avenue near Sunway Giza. When the clock stroke 12am, when the crowd cheered, when I was standing under the fireworks, it was 2012 already. Honestly, I don't see the joy or the sorrow that was created for the past year. I guess, I did not experience enough, something that I could possibly realized while talking with Sharon.

I had been productive last year.

Not that I haven't, completed all 11 of the resolutions which includes working out, graduating with distinction, obtaining diving license and going to a cave. This year around, I would own 2012 all over again, over and over again while making sure I would be able make 2012 a better year. Setting up 12 resolutions this year which I will make sure I will complete them and mark against some friends of mine who are ready to take up the challenge. Whoever loses, pays for dinner PER RESOLUTION.

This year around, I will:

1. travel to a country - foreign country with different language and cultural background
2. weight training to obtain more muscle mass - to be able to wear tank top with nice muscle definition on arms and shoulders and chest AND lose fat for six pack abs - along side with tkd bootcamp training AND to be able to do a handstand - on both hands, without assistance of wall
3. take Korean language test - attempt level 4
4. 6 arts project - at least 2 major projects
5. diving advance license - at pulau redang or equilavant AND climb a mountain / hills including broga or tahan AND white water rafting - self explanatory
6. to construct a home gym - equipped with pull up bar and gymnastic rings
7. Read one book every month
8. taking guitar class - and be able to play three songs
9. save money - RM2,000 to be exact via teaching, freelance event or creative jobs and part time jobs.
10. Blog every week.
11. Maintain 75 average for degree.
12. Learning something new this year - something that I am unaware of or inexperience on.

Mini Goals: ‎120kg deadlift, 100kg squat and 75kg bench press by end of the year!

Who's up with the challenge can always leave a comment. XD