Twenty

Twenty.

I'll be twenty by tomorrow. But I still feel so dependent towards my family, causing so many problems, financially. I don't like this feeling, not at all. My sister is going to graduate and enter college by the time I finish my diploma, and I have no idea what am I going to do.

I call this, irresponsible. Me, that is.

Well, I have four choices. I can go to cheap university but might not learn something, I can go to good university bearing the cost by applying for loan, I can apply for Korean Government Scholarship and come to Korea to study degree for 5 years(provided they take me) or I can go to work and save some money before I proceed to my degree.

I don't know where will I end up at.

Insecurity makes me uncomfortable. My mum is not able to assure me. The only thing she said is "Wait until you come back first then see." Life is way too interesting with all these choices. All the responsibilities upon those choices you make. All the unknown ahead that you never know until it hit you right in the face. At that very moment, probably everything is way too late already.

Happy birthday, I wish myself.

Despite how much I didn't want to do it. I don't want to grow up, I really don't want to. All the problems, all the choices, all the responsibilities. Apparently I don't have a choice but to do it anyway. Growing up is harsh, I have to agree on that.

Here am I, saying it once again.

Happy Birthday, to me.