I need to break away.

I am studying for my thinking skills test tomorrow. The notes are like a 150 pages booklet filled with font size 9 wordings. I am paranoid, given the fact that I failed my Corporate Communication test the week before last. My mother came into my room and asked me: "You are studying?!" She had this sarcastic smile on her face.

I guess it had been awhile since I last studied. As a matter of fact, I had never did take my studies seriously before. No wonder she was smiling, mischievously. I, on the other hand, will not be pressured by her smile. Hence, I took my highlighter and continue to journey within the lines, stating my point.

It's true.

Since the commencement of the degree program, I am as my diploma coordinator, Mr. Liling called it: "stretched to the limit" for the very first time. Fair enough, diploma was a breeze for me. It was like a vacation. I learnt a lot, I do experienced a lot too. But, it wasn't study. It was merely knowing, doing and get over it. I had never buried my face into the textbooks, for that Esther had been complaining a lot. (Well, she is doing Degree after all.) I could afford to do assignment a night before the assignment due date. Life was good back then.

And of course, good things never lasted for long. "Welcome to degree life." I told myself. Before I know it, I am studying. Before I know what's going on, I failed my first test. Marvelous. On the mock presentation, I was told that my verbal skills in English is not up to par. Marvelous.

It was devastating.

Suddenly, the highest achiever's award from the diploma program does not mean anything anymore. It did not ensure and guarantee anything. I fell flat on the ground, face first and it hurts, a lot. Facing a bit of cultural shock in the group assignments, a bit of assessment shock in the first test and last but not least, a bit of language barriers trying to explain a point. To a certain extent, I suppose it's reasonable to conclude that my confidence level had been damaged severely. Or maybe I was just being too comfortable with the previous pattern adopted from the diploma program.

I need to break away.