Serenity

It's so quiet.

The holiday feels like a reason to rest for everyone in the city, I suppose most of them went back to their respective hometown and some of them might even take this opportunity and went on a trip elsewhere. Looking at the speed of the leftover cars on the road, I figuratively can feel how lazy the drivers were, of course due to the festive seasons.

But, isn't the festive seasons suppose to fill with celebrations and joy, where people are excited and anticipating the celebrations? It is so awkwardly quiet here in Subang Jaya.

I put on my mp3 player and submerge myself in the music.

To feel alive.

CNY Holidays

It's almost here, the long awaited Chinese New Year holidays.

Fortunately for me, the holiday is exceptionally long. Today will be the official commencement on the holiday for a good ol' 7 days. Will be experimenting lomography during this festive season, hopefully can try something completely different time time around.

And of course, not to get fat but get lots of ang pau during the Chinese New Year.

a cup of teh tarik

The cup slammed on the table, spilling over some teh tarik on the square aluminium table at the corner of the mamak stall, instantly killed the conversation between the party of three. The night had obviously heated up especially it is 1am in the morning. He is furious, over a remark based on the oversimplification of assumptions made by the society. He felt judged not only by the other party, but simultaneously placed under the the pressure of the social conventions forcefully. And we all know how assumptions led us into an generalisation of things around us, allowing us to think less and process less information. But this is usually the answer to all the hate and anger all over the places. He wanted to allow his emotions to take over but took a deep breath in time and held back for a moment.

He stood up and attempted to leave this ugly place, leave this shallow conversation and most importantly leave this ignorant and irresponsible person. His other friend on his left pressed him down to his original seat, trying to calm him down regardless the consequences. He shrugged both of his friend's hand off his shoulders and only to realise that almost a quarter of his teh tarik was all over the table, threatening to flow down the edge of the table anytime. His friend quickly took three, four pieces of the tissue paper of the tissue box on the next table behind him and stopped the stream of teh tarik flowing towards both of them. He pushed his chair backward by a couple of inches, crossed his arms in front of him and laid back on the metal chair, signalling an obvious "I disagree with whatever you said" body language to the rest of the audiences. 

He still cannot believe for a second that his once "friend" actually said that. 

He looked over to the quiet street, avoiding glances from everyone in the same table and shook his head in disbelief for a moment there. The moon was very bright and the night sky was clear, a perfect time for a gathering of friends a la the Malaysians style. Yet, there were only 8 cars at the parking spaces which explained the small crowd in the mamak stall despite located right beside the city center. He took another deep breath in and shifted his seating position, crossing his right leg over his left. He decided to give the silent treatment for the rest of the night until they all decided that this conversation will not go anywhere and head home respectively. Or rather until, the other party apologies, whichever comes first. 

"That's rather harsh, don't you think?" his friend spoke up while taking a sip of his cup of teh tarik. "But it's the fact!" The opposition finally spoke for the first time after all the drama originated from his remark. He swing both his arm open while giving a puzzled look on his eyebrows and took big gulp of his cup of teh tarik, taken back over the direct confrontation from both of his friends, trying to mask his nervousness while leaving his drink barely over half left in the cup. This clearly was not going to end there and then, the other party did not expect any of this to happen.

He sighed. His could not stand it anymore and broke his vow to remain silent the rest of the night. He swiftly pulled his chair towards the table and glared at the other party intensely. "Not on this sort of subjective matters, no." He pointed at the other party's nose with his right index finger when he said that. "Just because you believe so, doesn't mean the rest of the world have to believe the same damn thing!" he raised his tone and slammed the table the second time with his right palm on the corner of the table. He almost screamed but managed to control his raging emotions.

He was mad at himself for not being able to control his emotions with the fist he was clenching so hard but he was still even angrier for the narrow viewpoint from the other party demonstrated through the statement just now. He took a quick sip of teh tarik and placed the cup nearer to the center of the table as a precaution to avoid any potential spilling hazards due to the unstable emotional state of his. His friend who is still sitting right next to him quickly gave him a pat on his shoulder, even though he knew it for a fact that it might not work at all to calm his friend down given that the personality of his friend being short tempered but never, ever, unreasonable. It is true that even if the majority in the society perceive life and the connotations behind everything else around them does not prove or justify it as the ultimate truth. Assuming the rest of the world works in such a simplistic manner is just being ignorant and irresponsible or even naive to begin with. On this very table, the concept of majority simply just do not work. 

"That's like saying all birds can fly, no?" His friend quickly added before the conversation will end up in an argument and will result in damaged friendships not to mention it will not solve any problems at hand. He leaned forward and added "Yeah, try convincing gay people that they are actually straight because they are confused at that moment in life." sarcastically and rolled his eyes. He and his friend by his side both held their teh tarik up at the same time and drank a mouthful down his throat. 

"This is absurdity, these are completely different cases!" it seems like the other party could not hold it any longer too. Something is definitely in line and his friend can smell the pungent gunpowder in the conversation now. When both parties are submerged in emotions like anger, no one wins in the end. It is not like his friends had never seen this before and he is always the one trying to fix this. It is almost habitual and he will never understand how these two people with such distinct differences in the perception of life could be friends for the past 10 years. It just does not make sense at all, but it is right in front of his eyes and it is going to happen all over again. By then, both of them had already stood up and yes, it is going to happen all over again.

"Stop it, you two!" His friend stood up immediately and took over like a referee. For the effort of continuous diplomatic relationship between the conflicting parties for the past decade, his friend could one day possibly be nominated for the Nobel Peace Award. "He got a point, now sit." his friend pointed at the chair and he quietly followed the instruction. "But that does not mean that you are right. You, sit down," his friend pointed at the other chair, instructing the other party to do the same. "I don't believe this, seriously. How many times had we been through these and you guys are still arguing over the same thing over and over again? Don't you guys feel sick and tired over these?" His friend buried his face in his left palm and shook his head in disappointment. "Can't you guys tolerate and come into a compromise? You know arguing won't take us anywhere and this is not the first time for all of us," his friend added and glared at both of them. He took his cup from the table and drank. "But you know about compromise: they never solve a problem, they merely an approach to temporarily dissolve conflicts at hand!" he said and continued to sip on his teh tarik. 

"It's not like we would ever come into a conclusion or be able to justify which of the alternatives are valid." his friend added while looking over to the other party, attempting to obtain agreement. The other party said nothing and nodded because he knew the consequences of the statement he made all along, yet he let his ego take over the conversation, thus leading to this pointless and heated conversation. He knew for a fact that perceptions differ among people but he believes strongly to the appeal of the populations. He still insist on the greatest number of acceptance being the greatest possibility of fact since if it wasn't true, acceptable or believable, no one will adopt the same perceptions or vantage points. In fact, the trigger of the chain of events is so insignificant right now and it is all fueled by the egoistic mindset of human being, escalated by the narrow observations and ignorant assumptions made by oneself. Ego blinded the people and everyone is trying to be the right one - to be the one in power. The other party wants to be in the right and he insisted that he himself is right backed up by the power of the majority. But it is true that it does not have to be a staple for everyone else in the world as it is a matter of choices and being responsible with the choices you had made or about to make.

He leaned back to the back of his chair. He knew that there is no potential methods or evidences to justify the premises in order provide a valid conclusion to please both parties. It is almost like proving the existence of god to resolve the argument between the Christians and the scientists. He knew that this is just a futile attempt, trying to go against subjective opinions like these. But he just could not tolerate people like his "friend" acting all so arrogant and denying all other possibilities. He realised that he essentially argued because of the personality of the other party, not due to the arbitrary topic itself. By the end of the day, the clock stroke three and he extended his hand to the other party. All of them lifted their cups and downed the rest of the content. They had apologized to each other and left the mamak stall with arms over the other two friends' shoulders.

And the three empty cups are left on the table at the corner of the mamak stall. 

Internship Application

April sent in my resume to a company this morning.

I woke up and saw it immediately as the email was cc-ed to me too. Around 11am in the morning, when I was still all groggy since I just woke up, an unknown caller calling me on my phone. Puzzled, I picked up the phone and a lady was speaking her company's name and her position, then told me that she saw my resume and was wondering whether I can attend the interview today.

Honestly, I am not sure what's going on.

I sent April a copy of my resume so that she could use her power of networking and get me a potential internship position. April had been really efficient, a bit too efficient that I basically have no clue or whatsoever on the companies that she had sent to. When the lady over the phone was talking, there was this large grey cloud over my head. Wasn't even sure how to react with the questions for a moment there.

I proceed to ask for the office location and her name. The rest? Ask April lah. Apparently, this Success Resources deals with seminars that are of my interest and I just went for the interview on 2.30pm. Thankfully for John, the marketing manager for not being harsh on me and took me in despite the short period of internship. Or maybe it's because of the low salary exception that I wrote. This is also the very first interview that someone asked me: "Do you read books? What's the last book you read?" Luckily I was reading Payback Time in mandarin. HAHAHA!

It's the experiences that count, no? That's why it is called an internship. I tried to not assume anything and learn whatever that I could in the meantime. I am glad enough, really. And I start on Monday.

Thanks, April.

오늘밤은 어둠이 무서워요 (I am afraid of the dark tonight) - 10cm

오늘밤은 혼자 있기가 무서워요
(Being alone tonight is scary.)
창문을 여니 바람소리가 드세요
(Please open the window and listen to the sound of the wind.)
사람들은 나를 보살펴 주지 않어
(Others do not want to care about me.)
잠들 때까지 날 떠나지 말아줘요
(Till I fell asleep, please don't leave me.)

꾸물거리는 저기 벌레를 잡아줘요
(Please catch the bugs that are messing with me.)
잡은 휴지는 꼭꼭구겨 창문 밖에 던져 버려줘
(Crumple the tissue paper that you caught it with and throw it outside the window.)
오늘의 나는 절대 결코 강하지 않어
(Today I’m just not strong at all.)
그냥 오늘밤만 네게 안겨서
(Just tonight, please hug me.)
불러주는 자장노래 들을래
(and sing me a lullaby and put me to sleep.)

오늘밤은 혼자 잠들기 무서워요
(Sleeping alone tonight is scary.)
저기 작은 방에 무언가 있는 거 같어
(It seems like there's something in my small room.)
잠깐만요 나 원래 이런 사람 아냐
(Wait a minute, I'm originally not a person like this.)
잠들 때까지 집에 가지 말아줘요
(Till I fell asleep, please don't go home.)

혹시 모르니 저기 대문을 잠가줘요
(I'm not sure, but could you lock the front gate?)
들어 올 때는 불을 끄고 방문을 반쯤 열어줘
(When you head back, please turn off the light and leave the room door slightly open.)
오늘의 나는 절대 결코 강하지 않어
(Today I’m just not strong at all.)
그냥 오늘밤만 네게 안길래
(Just tonight, please hug me.)

혹시나 내가 못된 생각 널 갖기 위해 시꺼먼 마음
(If for whatever reason, there is this evil thoughts or a blackened heart in order to have you,)
의심이 된다면 저 의자에 나를 묶어도 좋아
(you suspected, it's okay to tie me to that chair.)
창밖을 봐요 비가 와요
(Look outside the window, the rain is falling.)
지금 집에 가긴 틀렸어요
(It might be a bad idea to go home now.)
버스도 끊기고 여기까진 택시도 안와요
(The bus had stopped and the taxi don't come here often.)

오늘밤은 혼자 있기가 무서워요
(Being alone tonight is scary.)
잠들 때까지 머릿결을 만져줘요
(Till I fell asleep, please keep stroking my hair.)
믿어줘요 나 원래 이런 사람 아냐
(Please believe me, that I am not originally a person like this.)
그냥 오늘밤만 네게 안겨서
(Just tonight, please hug me.)
불러주는 자장 노래 들을래
(And sing to me a lullaby and put me to sleep.)
제발 오늘밤만 가지 말아요
(Please, for tonight, don't go.)

Note: Love the rhythm of this song, and the simple lyrics which conveyed the emotions really clearly. Allowing guys to show a soft side of themselves, putting down ego and perceptions from the society and allow themselves to be loved, even if it's for a night only. I think I translated correctly, might have some lost of meaning here and there but essentially this is what the song wanted to convey. =)

Result?

When will our result be released?

Sepang Gold Coast

It's been awhile, a spontaneous trip like this, away from the city life and hid under a chalet which was (and I believe still is) infested by mosquitoes. We went to Sepang Gold Coast, we as in Esther, Sharon, Calvin and myself to a beach where the sea is not correctly colored and I shall not complain further.

The getting together part was really good, except the RM120 spent on the entire trip which include alcohol. And of course, what do we do there even when we are told not do? Enjoy hard drinks (minuman keras). Still not liking for a bit, cannot comprehend the concept drinking awfully tasted drink to achieve temporary state of reduced inhibitions but I worked around it. Confession and awkward daring games while quite amazed by the fact that we only played one round of citadel, the night eventually turned sentimental and quiet.

True, nothing will last forever.

But at least I'm making the best out of everything, no? I don't ask for much, please do remember me and give a nod when we walk past each other on the opposite side of the road. Who are we do judge what will happen in the future, what I can only do is to make sure I appreciate every single moment of togetherness.

I think it comes with age, the whole enlightenment of life. Despite how much I am trying to avoid being called "old for my age" but I couldn't help it. Besides, it's rational and logical once you placed them into their respective positions. I will never assume that I know anything or that I am right in all situations. I shall place ego aside and acknowledge the rest of the populations, however shallow or bias the opinion would be. Of course, I don't have to agree nonetheless.

It'a a phase, I suppose. Just like the sunset that we witness over the deck (regardless how much mosquitoes that are at the same place which I resorted to eating at the weirdest position ever), things have to come and go.  Maybe that's the whole reason for people to perceive it as beautiful and important, because they all do not last.

I will definitely miss this moment.

The very same time next year, it might be just two of us left out of the original four. Quietly fighting for a position to be recognized and appreciated. Trying to live life at the fullest while keeping the capitalists happy. Hopefully, Calvin and Esther will do well in their masters degree program, I am pretty sure. Who knows that if things work out well, probably we could have a better trip all the way to Japan and UK. Given the current financial situation, it's still nice to think about the possibilities of these opportunities.

Tsk, life.

UK Summer Program - Lancaster

We have an opportunity to participate in a summer program all the way at Lancaster, UK early next year. It's like doing electives at UK and I'm really diggin' the idea. 3 months in UK? I guess I could finish London and some other cities like Mancaster or even Glasgow to find my childhood friend. I'm excited, very excited.

But there's this one problem, money. That had been a problem ever since I want to do anything, and frankly, I can't really do anything about it. If I really want this to happen, I would have to do something about it, i.e. save money, a lot of money and work whenever I can. By doing this I would be jeopardizing my new year resolutions but I will not tolerate too much compromise on both the life time objective and resolutions for this year.

I will proceed to accomplish all the resolutions that involve physical and mental development. However, things that would require significant financial support might have to wait for next year. I will do my handstand, I will workout as much as possible and I will hike that bloody hill. Diving license and travel to the foreign country thing might have to wait. Not that I don't want to do it, I have to delay it for the greater benefits.

I am absolutely thrilled with the opportunity to go to UK.

And I am not letting it go. Heard it from a friend that RM10k would be more than enough to backpack at UK. I guess I have to at least have RM7.5k at the end of the year to ensure a slight possibilities on this plan.

I'm going to UK and I am readjusting my new year resolutions:

1. to be able to do a handstand - on both hands, without assistance of wall
2. weight training to obtain more muscle mass - to be able to wear tank top with nice muscle definition on arms and shoulders and chest AND lose fat for six pack abs - along side with tkd bootcamp training
3. 120kg deadlift, 100kg squat and 75kg bench press.
4. 6 arts project - at least 2 major projects
5. climb a mountain / hills including broga or tahan AND white water rafting - self explanatory
6. take Korean language test - attempt level 4
7. Read one book every month
8. Blog every week.
9. save money - RM10,000 via teaching, freelance event / creative jobs and part time jobs.
10.Self-learn Guitar
11. Maintain 75 average for degree.
12. Learning something new this year - something that I am unaware of or inexperience on.

2012 - The Beginning of the Resolutions

Was working on an event during the countdown event at Red Carpet Avenue near Sunway Giza. When the clock stroke 12am, when the crowd cheered, when I was standing under the fireworks, it was 2012 already. Honestly, I don't see the joy or the sorrow that was created for the past year. I guess, I did not experience enough, something that I could possibly realized while talking with Sharon.

I had been productive last year.

Not that I haven't, completed all 11 of the resolutions which includes working out, graduating with distinction, obtaining diving license and going to a cave. This year around, I would own 2012 all over again, over and over again while making sure I would be able make 2012 a better year. Setting up 12 resolutions this year which I will make sure I will complete them and mark against some friends of mine who are ready to take up the challenge. Whoever loses, pays for dinner PER RESOLUTION.

This year around, I will:

1. travel to a country - foreign country with different language and cultural background
2. weight training to obtain more muscle mass - to be able to wear tank top with nice muscle definition on arms and shoulders and chest AND lose fat for six pack abs - along side with tkd bootcamp training AND to be able to do a handstand - on both hands, without assistance of wall
3. take Korean language test - attempt level 4
4. 6 arts project - at least 2 major projects
5. diving advance license - at pulau redang or equilavant AND climb a mountain / hills including broga or tahan AND white water rafting - self explanatory
6. to construct a home gym - equipped with pull up bar and gymnastic rings
7. Read one book every month
8. taking guitar class - and be able to play three songs
9. save money - RM2,000 to be exact via teaching, freelance event or creative jobs and part time jobs.
10. Blog every week.
11. Maintain 75 average for degree.
12. Learning something new this year - something that I am unaware of or inexperience on.

Mini Goals: ‎120kg deadlift, 100kg squat and 75kg bench press by end of the year!

Who's up with the challenge can always leave a comment. XD