For all this time, I realise that I am being afraid.
Afraid because I have no idea what's in front of me, where am I going and afraid of myself for the fact that I don't have answers to those questions. I find it scary that the character Takemoto in the anime of Honey and Clover so closely reflected my current condition. He being lost and unsure of what lies ahead, except that he is good with hand crafts and I on the other hand, still struggling to find out what am I capable to do.
Maybe that's why I long for a trip, constantly.
Because I want to find those answers,
or do I?
Seeing the day flew by, so quickly. Is it all because that I am idle on the very same spot, that's why the time seems so merciless?
I am always running away, for a frail attempt to slow things down or am I too afraid to face it?
What am I going to do now, I have to ask myself despite how painful it might be.
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Friday, September 21, 2012
Moving Forward
I would like to think that I am moving forward.
Sometimes when I walk aimlessly, I can't help but thinking why am I moving in circles when I can go places? Where am I heading to? Where am I going to? As the time flows by, what am I doing now? What should I do now?
If this is life, what is this that I am feeling now?
That Friday morning, I was late for class. Barely awake by 8.30am, reached school at 9.15am, both hungry since there weren't enough time for breakfast and cold as I conveniently left my jacket at home. Luckily it was Ms. Intan, I am sure she understands, I am trying to convince myself. But heck, I have been doing that all the time, hopefully this wasn't the last one that I could pull off. I was the last one to enter the class. It wouldn't be hard to notice, when you have only 5 students in the advertising specialisation class. I took my place, next to Edwin who was suppose to be later than me in order to deem my lateness void, almost missing it by a split second. The Mac computer seemed happy as I turned it on. Maybe it was just me.
Friday is one of my favourite day, it's design day. This is the day when we could sit there, do absolutely nothing, or do almost everything for the next four hours (3, actually considering the fact that I am always late). Most importantly, you are doing something you like and adore so much. The day can only be more interesting that we always think it should be. I like the subtle progression of the day, when we could just hog on the computer, on design research, graphic design and typography, attempting to make this world a better (more beautiful place).
But, honestly, where am I heading to?
When I was showing Ms. Intan about my work on the self logo design assignment, she was asking me the very same question. "This isn't you." she said, despite the fact that she only seen me for 2 weeks of classes only which amount to less than 8 hours of total class hours. "It's like you are not showing something." she added.
I have to agree. But the problem is, I myself have no idea where am I heading to. What am I trying to achieve or even where am I intended to go. I guess I am just lost in the fabric of space and time, like a droplet in the flowing river, merely existing in the flow.
Lost.
I yearn for the passion, I yearn for direction.
I am pretty good with maps, I might not have a good memory on those road names or how they look like, but I could navigate to destinations eventually. The keyword here being eventually. However, it somehow frustrate me when I am constantly in the everlasting loop. Waking up, eating, studying, doing assignment, eating, sleeping, and the sequence is then placed on repeat. I think I want to break free, trying to find a purpose in life is harder than I thought. And there I was, trying to teach people how to be happy, assuming that being the purpose in life. They might be surprised if I tell them that I am hating myself right now. Maybe that's why the logo contradicted me.
Where am I heading to, actually?
I would like to know and I certainly hope that I am moving forward.
Sometimes when I walk aimlessly, I can't help but thinking why am I moving in circles when I can go places? Where am I heading to? Where am I going to? As the time flows by, what am I doing now? What should I do now?
If this is life, what is this that I am feeling now?
That Friday morning, I was late for class. Barely awake by 8.30am, reached school at 9.15am, both hungry since there weren't enough time for breakfast and cold as I conveniently left my jacket at home. Luckily it was Ms. Intan, I am sure she understands, I am trying to convince myself. But heck, I have been doing that all the time, hopefully this wasn't the last one that I could pull off. I was the last one to enter the class. It wouldn't be hard to notice, when you have only 5 students in the advertising specialisation class. I took my place, next to Edwin who was suppose to be later than me in order to deem my lateness void, almost missing it by a split second. The Mac computer seemed happy as I turned it on. Maybe it was just me.
Friday is one of my favourite day, it's design day. This is the day when we could sit there, do absolutely nothing, or do almost everything for the next four hours (3, actually considering the fact that I am always late). Most importantly, you are doing something you like and adore so much. The day can only be more interesting that we always think it should be. I like the subtle progression of the day, when we could just hog on the computer, on design research, graphic design and typography, attempting to make this world a better (more beautiful place).
But, honestly, where am I heading to?
When I was showing Ms. Intan about my work on the self logo design assignment, she was asking me the very same question. "This isn't you." she said, despite the fact that she only seen me for 2 weeks of classes only which amount to less than 8 hours of total class hours. "It's like you are not showing something." she added.
I have to agree. But the problem is, I myself have no idea where am I heading to. What am I trying to achieve or even where am I intended to go. I guess I am just lost in the fabric of space and time, like a droplet in the flowing river, merely existing in the flow.
Lost.
I yearn for the passion, I yearn for direction.
I am pretty good with maps, I might not have a good memory on those road names or how they look like, but I could navigate to destinations eventually. The keyword here being eventually. However, it somehow frustrate me when I am constantly in the everlasting loop. Waking up, eating, studying, doing assignment, eating, sleeping, and the sequence is then placed on repeat. I think I want to break free, trying to find a purpose in life is harder than I thought. And there I was, trying to teach people how to be happy, assuming that being the purpose in life. They might be surprised if I tell them that I am hating myself right now. Maybe that's why the logo contradicted me.
Where am I heading to, actually?
I would like to know and I certainly hope that I am moving forward.
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Midnight Rain
It started raining all of the sudden.
I just have to get up from my seat and sit by the window. Listening to the sound of raindrops pattering on the roof, watching the raindrops slowly moving down the glass panels. I took in a deep breath after sliding the window slightly to the left, attempting to not allow too much of the rain wetting the side of the bed.
I looked back inside. The clock in the faded beige wall of line told me that: It's midnight. It felt so good, laying on the bed on a rainy night. The occasional and subtle thunder completed the nature orchestra. It was smooth and soothing at the same time. It felt distant, and I felt safe in my own little sanctuary.
And I just have to drift into deep thoughts.
Things felt as if it had slowed down, moving in slow motion. Taking its own sweet time, not adhering to the busy state of my mind. I have to let go, just for a little while. Forgetting my problems, pretty sure that it would be less painful to deal with eventually.
And by the time I realise, I'm already gone. Leaving the midnight rain, embracing tomorrow's sunshine. Drifting into my dream, shutting reality off for at least the next seven hours.
Oh, I tell that myself all the time. Not sure how effective though.
I just have to get up from my seat and sit by the window. Listening to the sound of raindrops pattering on the roof, watching the raindrops slowly moving down the glass panels. I took in a deep breath after sliding the window slightly to the left, attempting to not allow too much of the rain wetting the side of the bed.
I looked back inside. The clock in the faded beige wall of line told me that: It's midnight. It felt so good, laying on the bed on a rainy night. The occasional and subtle thunder completed the nature orchestra. It was smooth and soothing at the same time. It felt distant, and I felt safe in my own little sanctuary.
And I just have to drift into deep thoughts.
Things felt as if it had slowed down, moving in slow motion. Taking its own sweet time, not adhering to the busy state of my mind. I have to let go, just for a little while. Forgetting my problems, pretty sure that it would be less painful to deal with eventually.
And by the time I realise, I'm already gone. Leaving the midnight rain, embracing tomorrow's sunshine. Drifting into my dream, shutting reality off for at least the next seven hours.
Oh, I tell that myself all the time. Not sure how effective though.
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
About Dancing
Is there a passion within me? That wants to move in the rhythm of the music. Sway in the beats in between the lines of lyrics.
To dance.
Watching step up revolution was reassuring. Something deep down in me. Something I want to do all the time.
I'm questioning my determination, whether is it three seconds or three years or that moment which lasts forever.
I'm trapped within myself.
For too long.
Am I going to do it? Am I willing to risk it all?
To dance.
Watching step up revolution was reassuring. Something deep down in me. Something I want to do all the time.
I'm questioning my determination, whether is it three seconds or three years or that moment which lasts forever.
I'm trapped within myself.
For too long.
Am I going to do it? Am I willing to risk it all?
Monday, July 2, 2012
Busker Busker – 소나기 (주르르루) (Showers)
주르르루 주르르루 빗소리에
현관으로 나갔는데 우산이 없어
아니 벌써 어두컴컴 축축한 하늘이
이러다가 오늘 하루 창문만 보다
아마 끝나게 비야 그쳐라 그쳐 난 또 우울해져
제발 그쳐줘 시원한 소나기처럼
잠깐 스치는 인연 그 순간의 끈
난 놓칠 수가 없어 그녀의 하루가 끝나기 전에
제발 그쳐줘 예
제발 그쳐줘 시원한 소나기처럼
잠깐 스치는 인연 그 순간의 끈
난 놓칠 수가 없어 그녀의 하루가 끝나기 전에
제발 그쳐줘 예
주르르루 주르르루 곧 있으면
그치겠지 하다가 새벽이 오면
어떡하지 난 뭘 하는 건지 정신 차리자
편의점에 우산은 너무 비싸서
그치겠지 하다가 새벽이 오면
어떡하지 난 뭘 하는 건지 정신 차리자
편의점에 우산은 너무 비싸서
그냥 맞고 간 비야 그쳐라 그쳐 난 또 우울해져
제발 그쳐줘 시원한 소나기처럼
잠깐 스치는 인연 그 순간의 끈
난 놓칠 수가 없어 그녀의 하루가 끝나기 전에
제발 그쳐줘 시원한 소나기처럼
잠깐 스치는 인연 그 순간의 끈
난 놓칠 수가 없어 그녀의 하루가 끝나기 전에
오 알 수 없는 나의 맘
이제는 흘러드는 비로
이 맘을 알겠네 저기
다시 차오르는 너
이제는 흘러드는 비로
이 맘을 알겠네 저기
다시 차오르는 너
아마 끝나게 비야 그쳐라 그쳐 난 또 우울해져
제발 그쳐줘 시원한 소나기처럼
잠깐 스치는 인연 그 순간의 끈
난 놓칠 수가 없어 그녀의 하루가 끝나기 전에
비야 그쳐라 그쳐 난 또 우울해져
제발 그쳐줘 시원한 소나기처럼
잠깐 스치는 인연 그 순간의 끈
난 놓칠 수가 없어 그녀의 하루가 끝나기 전에
제발 그쳐줘 예
제발 그쳐줘 시원한 소나기처럼
잠깐 스치는 인연 그 순간의 끈
난 놓칠 수가 없어 그녀의 하루가 끝나기 전에
비야 그쳐라 그쳐 난 또 우울해져
제발 그쳐줘 시원한 소나기처럼
잠깐 스치는 인연 그 순간의 끈
난 놓칠 수가 없어 그녀의 하루가 끝나기 전에
제발 그쳐줘 예
Sunday, June 17, 2012
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